BEING VULNERABLE

When we've been hurt it is hard to risk being vulnerable. I know that I tend to close the door to my feelings and put out the no trespassing sign. I put up walls to protect my heart. Paul shows us another way. Ministry calls for transparency and transparency can be traumatic. "You are not being cramped by us," Paul wrote, "but you are being cramped in your feelings. Now, in exchange, I am talking as little children, be opened wide to us also" (2 Cor. 6:12-13).

Twice Paul uses an interesting word translated being cramped or restricted. The noun form of the word is a synonym for distress or affliction. The verb used here (στενοχωρεῖσθε) refers to a narrow space, being confined by inner or outer troubles. It means to be crowded, cramped, confined or oppressed (NIDNTT, 2:807). Both verbs are in the present tense indicating ongoing action. The emotional constriction in their relationship was continuous. Paul assures them that he is not oppressing their emotions but they are clearly confining their emotions toward him. We oppress our feelings as a coping mechanism to avoid risking more rejection. If we open up and let our feelings be seen, we risk being hurt again. God urges us to open up anyway. Take the risk. Fear of rejection, like fear of failure, can cripple our ministries.

The noun translated "affections" or "feelings" (σπλάγχνοις) literally means "inward parts" or "entrails." It was specifically used for the more valuable parts of the sacrificial animal such as heart, lungs, liver, spleen, and kidneys. These organs were removed immediately after killing the animal and eaten as part of the sacrificial meal. In Greek culture, the word was used for the male sexual organs and the womb, so children were sometimes called σπλάγχνα because they were born from one's own flesh and blood (NIDNTT, 2:599). As a result, people thought of the intestines as the seat of human passion. After all, we feel the physical effects of anger, sadness, and happiness in our abdomens. Our feelings are visceral!

The opening clause of verse 13 talks of an exchange of feelings. The noun (ἀντιμισθίαν) means a reward or penalty (BAGD, p.75). It may have been an expression made up by Paul where he used a noun in an adverbial phrase by blending two more common expressions together (Moule, An Idiom Book of NT Greek, p.160). The word itself is a compound noun with the preposition αντί (instead of) combined with the noun μισθός (reward) to express the thought of reciprocation (TDNT, 4:695-702). Paul encouraged responsiveness of emotions. He shared his feelings and desired for them to share their feelings in return. The addition of the preposition αντί to the noun emphasizes the idea of exchange (NIDNTT, 3:197). An exchange of reward, a reciprocation of feelings, must take place between two people seeking reconciliation.

Lord, help me not to wall up my feelings, but to open my heart and risk rejection to build healthy relationships with my brothers and sisters in Christ.

RECONCILIATION: CROSSING THE BRIDGE

Reconciliation requires us to be open with our feelings where once we were closed. When we have been hurt by another, we pull up the drawbridge to the castle of our hearts. We fill the moat with water to keep people away. The other party must cross the great divide to reach us. Crossing that bridge is an emotional challenge for all of us.

Paul had been deeply hurt in ministry. He was estranged from the Corinthians because of past feelings. His wounds were so deep that they affected his ministry causing him to write this extended parenthesis of pain (2 Cor. 2:14-7:4). Paul models for us how we can attempt to cross the bridge of hard feelings. Paul writes, "Our mouth is open to you, Corinthians, our heart has been opened wide. ... Open wide to us also" (2 Cor. 6:11-13).

One side in a conflict must take the initiative to cross the bridge. Often what happens is that we say something like, "I'll forgive him if he forgives me." "She's got to take the first step. The ball is in her court." "If he reaches out to me, I'll work it out with him." Waiting means that reconciliation never takes place. We can stay in waiting mode for a very long time. Reconciliation requires that one person takes the initiative to walk across the bridge - to risk rejection to start the process.

Paul risks rejection. He uses two different words for "open" in verse 11. The first word for "open" (ἀνέωγεν) refers to his mouth. If the mouth does not open, reconciliation never happens. The other person cannot know what is in my head unless I open my mouth. C.K. Barrett expresses it this way. "I have let my tongue run away with me" (Barrett, A Commentary on the Second Epistle to the Corinthians, BNTC, 1973, p.191).  Paul is referring to the previous verses where he has talked about his sacrificial suffering. He is saying that he has freely spoken to them. He has not held back his feelings. There are no secrets. His mouth is an open book sharing his raw feelings for them (NIDNTT, 2:727). Huge risk! We do not know how the other party will react when we speak freely about our feelings. I may be rejected, but I must take that risk. I must cross the bridge.

The word is a perfect passive verb from ἀνοίγω. Paul says, "our mouth had been opened to you." He has opened his mouth in the previous chapters and freely shared his feelings. The open mouth has continuing results as he seeks reconciliation. The passive voice indicates that God influenced him to open his mouth. Sharing our feelings with one who has hurt us is not natural. God must open our mouths to do it.

Paul goes on to say that "our heart has been opened wide." The heart (καρδία) is the center of man where God is at work. The center of the inner man includes our will and our understanding. The heart is also the seat of our emotions (TDNT, 3:111-112). We use the heart as the seat of our emotions today. Paul is saying our inner man including our feelings has been opened wide. He uses a different verb for "open" (πεπλάτυνται) in this clause. It is the perfect passive of πλατύνω meaning to widen or enlarge. The noun (πλάτος) means the breadth or width of something. The enemies of God will come up on the "broad plain" (τὸ πλάτος τῆς γῆς) from the four corners of the earth to surround Jerusalem before God destroys them (Rev. 20:9). The verb was used for opening large leather cases that contained texts (NIDNTT, 1:253-254). Paul's heart was opened to them by God like a broad plain or the opening of a large briefcase.

 Paul takes the initiative to cross the bridge and then appeals to them to "Open wide also" (πλατύνθητε). He uses an imperative, a command, but he softens it with the passive voice. "Let God through our appeal to you open wide your hearts to us like a broad plain." Reconciliation is a two-way street. The other side must allow their hearts to be opened wide so that their feelings are shared freely too. The bridge of alienation must be crossed in both directions to have true reconciliation - the open, free and honest sharing of our feelings with one another.

Lord, help me to seek and accept reconciliation with my brothers and sisters in the church.