We don't commonly associate obedience with friendship. We associate affection with friendship and obedience with slavery. A friend is not ordered to obey like a servant. There is no duty among friends, we think. The essence of friendship is voluntary action. Friends can choose how to act while still being accepted as friends. Yet Jesus says, "You are My friends if you do what I command you" (John 15:14).
The condition (εαν ποιητε) expresses a degree of "reduced probability" (Louw Nida, 89.62). It is not certain that we will obey so it is not certain that we will experience friendship with Jesus. Jesus invites us to be His friends, but the friendship is conditioned on doing what He commands. Doesn't this condition turn us into servants not friends?
Jesus goes on to explain that He calls us friends and not servants because a servant doesn't know the mind of the Master, but Jesus discloses to us "all things" (παντα) that He has heard from His Father (John 15:15). The obedience of affection rises out of the self-disclosure of friendship. A friend shares the heart behind the command. Our knowledge changes the nature of our obedience. There is an obedience out of love that is an act of voluntary affection. Such obedience is a choice which explains the conditionality of our friendship with Jesus. In His love, He risks making known (εγνωρισα) His deepest desires to us, and in our love, we choose to obey His commands. When we choose to obey out of love we enjoy the affection of friendship that comes from His self-disclosure (See D.A. Carson, The Difficult Doctrine of the Love of God).
Friendship is commonly mutual. Friends usually choose each other but not so with Jesus. Jesus says, "You did not choose (εξελεξασθε) Me but I chose (εξελεξαμην) you" (John 15:16). The verbs are both in the middle voice indicating that the choice is a matter of personal interest. We did not choose Him for ourselves, but He chose us for Himself. Jesus chooses us to be His friends. Jesus chooses to disclose Himself to us as His friends. He risks possible rejection to call us His friends. He invites us into his friendship if we will choose to obey Him out of love. This is not an election (choosing) to eternal life but an election to friendship. Therefore, a person can be a follower of Christ without being a friend of Jesus thus turning orders into duties and relationship into religion. When we obey out of love we enjoy the mutual affection of our friendship with Jesus.
How do we know that we love Jesus? We know we love Jesus when we love one another. The teaching on friendship is bracketed by the command to love one another (John 15:12, 17).
If I won't love Jesus' friends, I can't be Jesus' friend!
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